i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
