So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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