**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
