I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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