At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
