actually, I'm a sock model
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
