I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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