Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
