We got so high we made milksteak
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
