i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this boner is exhausting
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
