I hate your face
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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