I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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