Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize