For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
