Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
