My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
