You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
40s are totally the cure
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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