I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
