just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
