All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize