Me. At least after what I've been through.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's always time for handjobs
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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