Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
