i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
be right there i have to get my cape
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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