Your face is a jimmy john
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
