Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
