Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
one might say we're banned from that church
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you made out with another girl for some wings
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
