Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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