Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will be naked everywhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
