After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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