i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
