Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
