I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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