was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
