I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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