I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm jealous of your bromance
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
