The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
