shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry about my life...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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