If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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