I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
