You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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