u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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