he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize