and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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