Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
