I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
