You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
