First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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