So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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