I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
