is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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