I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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