the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
