put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
