I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
