I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
