that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize