so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
