And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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