I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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