I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
