that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
