White coat. Heels.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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