Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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