They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
