i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
