No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
