It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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