at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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