with your own penis?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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