I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
